Every day we make, more or less voluntarily, an incredible number of decisions, from the absolutely trivial to the essential, and sometimes, among all the pluses and minuses, gains and losses, it sometimes flashes through our heads if we are honestly making decisions according to our hearts and minds, following our inner compass and voice, or if we are a victim of a manipulative environment. Balancing all your ‘yeses’ and ‘nos’, so as not to harm yourself or others is sometimes a roller-coaster ride, but at the same time a manageable skill that brings balance and enrichment to your private and professional life.
Yes, no, maybe…
Yes means new beginnings, no symbolizes the end and refusal of permission. Yes welcomes, no closes, yes cooperates, no rejects, yes is consent, yes confirms, no rejects, but yes also often complicates rather than simplifies – our own plans, relationships, and possibilities.
How we make decisions about our wants, desires, and needs (whether we say yes, no, or maybe to ourselves and others) largely depends on our decision-making strategies and style. The following options influence us throughout the carousel.
Simply no
Saying no more often doesn’t mean being negative all the time. On the contrary, it is about creating a healthier space and opportunity to agree with what we ourselves want, and what we really agree with. Saying no to people and their wishes, situations and circumstances calmly, without feeling guilty, apologizing, explaining and justifying yourself is possible (and can be learned). It is enough to start, for example, at the most recent request made in our direction. A day has 24 hours for each of us. So obviously we can’t be everything to everyone in our lives. If we always agree with everyone, and always nod and fulfill every request, in the end we will be the ones left stressed and dissatisfied.
Say yes
Sometimes you just need the absolutely indomitable courage to agree, and the right things will start to happen. American author and actress Tina Fey often mentions her optimistic attitude in life, that she says yes to things, and only then decides how she will handle everything, and how everything will turn out. Perhaps this spontaneous approach is ultimately advantageous. Author Danny Wallace gave up on all the joys of life after his girlfriend left him. The solution seemed to be to pack everything up, sort of go into hibernation, and hope that this storm would pass, resolve itself, and time would heal. A major epiphany occurred on a London bus ride when a random fellow passenger heard his depressing story and didn’t hesitate to offer his advice. “Just say yes more often. People without passion are the ones who say no to everything, but the happiest people understand that good things happen when we allow them to happen, and they happen if we start saying yes.” This conversation turned out to be an authorial epiphany, and resulted in the publication of the book “Yes Man”, which served as inspiration for the film of the same name starring Jim Carrey. As the name suggests, when the response to stimuli and challenges was positive, things started to happen. Saying yes means making an active decision and taking responsibility for your life, and to start even before any plan is formulated (being spontaneous). Every time we take a step forward, we gain more information about how to proceed further.
Seth Godin likens this process to participating in a quiz game where we hit the button for the answer before (not at the absolute exact moment) we realize the correct answer. And in the moment between the pressing of the button, and the moment of speaking, there will be that ideal point when the exact answer will appear. Maybe it seems a bit overconfident. But in the given situation, the penalty for a wrong answer is a much smaller risk than the possible profit. Metaphorically speaking, the point is that in life we don’t constantly wait until we have everything absolutely ready, approved, and risks managed. Even if we do, we can try a little experiment with ourselves. For a period of time, say yes, accept offers, agree, go with the flow, plans and suggestions of others. Act spontaneously, with passion and desire. Follow what your intuition tells you, where to go, what to do, who to be with, what interests you, what makes your heart flutter. It’s not about a plan where we see each other in five years, but about conscious daily decisions, here and now.
The article was originally published in the magazine My Psychology, July, 2022.
The e-mail address you provide will be used only to send you the newsletter. Your privacy is important to us.
University of New York in Prague
Londýnská 41, 120 00 Praha
ID no: 25676598
Phone:
+420 224 221 261
Skype
Email: unyp@unyp.cz